When you lose a loved one or even a pet, grief can make you feel like you are going crazy.
I know about grief because I’m a bereavement counsellor. I am passionate about helping people who are struggling with grief. I know that hypnosis can help with grief, and I have experienced grief.
The first time I experienced grief was many years ago when a friend died. She moved to Scotland, so I didn’t see her as often as before. Then one day her nephew called me and told me that she had died. He said the funeral was only for the family. I felt grief then, but it did get better after a few weeks. I still remember her.
More recently, I lost my mother. She was in her nineties and had dementia. I started to feel grief even before she died, as her personality changed and she didn’t behave in the way my mum had before. She died peacefully in her sleep. This pain was intense, and I still think of her most days, but it is getting easier now as I understand the process and have started new things.
I’m writing this blog as there are things about grief that most people don’t talk about. It’s not a secret, but rather something that many people feel a bit embarrassed to discuss.
These grief things can make you feel like you are going crazy.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural reaction to loss, which manifests itself in emotional pain or sadness. It can occur when you lose someone or something that you care about. Mental Health UK 2025./
Grief is an emotional state after you lose someone or something important to you in your life. It can result in lots of emotions, including sadness, yearning, stress, anxiety, worry, anger and frustration. Not everyone experiences these emotions, and some individuals may feel different emotions.
These emotions can also impact the body. For example, grief can cause sleep problems, brain fog, confusion, being forgetful and crying.
Bereavement is the process that people go through after a loss, and when they are grieving.
Mourning is the process of rituals that people go through when expressing their grief. For example, some people wear black after someone they love has died.
There is no timetable for grieving, and it’s different for different people, but many people do think that they are going crazy with it!
What makes you feel like you are going crazy?
As a therapist, so many people have told me that they feel stupid and are worried to tell me how they are feeling because some of the things they worry might be described as crazy.
Let me give you some examples.
1. Visualising the person who died
Often, people tell me that they keep seeing their lost loved one. Is this weird?
No, it is not. A mental pattern interrupt can explain this.
Let me explain.
Many people have this experience because they have been so used to seeing the person who has died that their mind tries to fill in the blanks. So, if you always sleep with your partner in the same bed and suddenly they are not there, then your mind imagines that your partner is in the bed, but they aren’t.
As a bereavement counsellor, I remember the first time someone told me this.
Let me tell you this quick story.
I visited a lady in her home while working for a bereavement charity. The elderly lady invited me in and asked me to sit down in her lounge. She had lost her husband, with whom she had lived for over fifty years.
As I went to sit down, she screamed at me not to sit in the armchair over by the window, as that was her husband’s chair and she could see him sitting there most days. She had lost her husband a few weeks earlier.
I chose a different chair, but she was then worried, as she thought I would think she was crazy, since she hadn’t meant to shout at me like that.
Since then, many people have told me that they have seen their loved one either once, a couple of times or most days for a few weeks.
Sometimes people visualise their loved one in different situations. For example, laughing at a joke or commenting.
Other ‘strange’ things can also happen to some people when they are grieving.
2. Smelling items
Another common thing people do is to keep an item of clothing that has the smell of the person who has died on it.
I remember a lady who kept her husband’s T-shirt under her pillow because she felt that it was the only way she could sleep, knowing she wouldn’t forget her husband.
Was that crazy? No, that also was a normal thing that shows grief. Many people keep possessions belonging to the lost person because they may still have the person’s scent, perfume, or aftershave on.
This can happen over the first few weeks or months after someone has died.
3. Remembering a thought over and over again
Sometimes people have the same thought going through their minds. For example, if it were a doctor who told the person that their loved one had died, then they might hear that doctor’s voice delivering the bad news. The reason for this is that it’s a shock, and they can’t believe what has been said. They want to make sense of the bad news.
This is understandable at the beginning of grieving because grief often involves denial as the mind can’t cope with the terrible news. They don’t want to hear the bad news, so their mind rejects it.
Can these grief reactions become a problem?
Sometimes these things, if they continue for a long time, can contribute to complicated grief.
One example of this might be someone who refused to touch anything in their daughter’s bedroom after she died. Perhaps she doesn’t want to wash her daughter’s sheets because the bed still smells of her daughter. This would be understandable for a few weeks or months, maybe a little longer, but if it persists after five years, it would suggest that someone is stuck in grief.
In this situation, the grieving person is still in the past and hasn’t moved on with their life.
Grief must go through a process where the person grows around their loss.
This will mean changing routines, as it will never be the same as it was when the loved one was present. It might mean starting new hobbies, meeting new people or learning something new.
This alters the old patterns in the brain, allowing new patterns to emerge.
A crucial point to note is that when you lose someone, you never forget them, because that experience and relationship remain in your mind. You learn to grow around the grief, although sometimes you have a good day, and then sometimes you feel that pain again. As time passes, the pain lessens.
What helps with grief?
- Understanding why you feel the way you do.
- Starting new tasks, whether it’s going to a different place or meeting new people.
- Talking about these lesser-known issues with a trusted friend or counsellor.
- Writing things down (keeping them in a safe place).
- Getting support from friends, relatives and work.
- Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Eat a well-balanced diet, engage in gentle exercise, and give yourself space.
Getting professional help
It’s not a sign of weakness to get professional help if you are suffering from grief.
Any suicidal or negative thoughts need help quickly, so call Samaritans anytime or contact your doctor and tell them you need an urgent appointment.
If you have other health issues, it’s a good idea to schedule a check-up with your doctor.
If you need to talk and feel that you are stuck in grief, then contact a bereavement counsellor, grief coach or hypnotherapist.
Finally, you can get through grief. If you need help, I am a specialist in helping people with bereavement and loss. Contact me for a complimentary consultation and learn more.
