Silent Grief: 5 Transformative Steps to Help Men Break Free From loss

When men lose someone they love, their grief often looks different. Many keep it silent, hidden, or locked away, but that doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there.

They want to be seen as coping well, but inside, they feel awful and long to break free from the emotions that are making them feel stressed and emotional.

The problem is that society often conditions men to be the strong ones, to cope with any difficulty, and to keep working to support the family. Well, they are all positive things that we all want to achieve, but life isn’t like that, and sometimes we need a bit of help along the way.

With years of helping people deal with grief, I will highlight seven steps that will help.

What is silent grief?

Firstly, understand silent grief because men often grieve in silence. On the outside, they may seem strong, but inside, they can feel overwhelmed, angry, or shut down.

Silent grief refers to the hidden emotions we carry after a loss. It is a secret pain that men are reluctant to share because they think that no one will understand how they are feeling.

It could be the loss of a loved one, such as a parent, a partner or a friend. It may also be the loss of a beloved pet, as managing pet grief is just as important as human loss.

Here are a few ways grief can be triggered.

• The death of someone you know/love.Getting the diagnosis of a terminal illness.
• A Miscarriage in the family.
• A terminal illness or hospital admission of someone who is very ill.
• Significant work changes, such as losing your job or being relocated to another town.
• Divorce, separation or relationship breakdowns.
• Losing a beloved pet.

Are you grieving in silence?

If this is you, I’ve met many people with similar stories.

You might not want to share your grief for several reasons.

• You don’t want to be seen as weak.
• You don’t want to upset your family.
• You need to be the backbone of the family as everyone else appears to be falling apart.
• You have got too much to do.
• You need to keep working to meet deadlines and financial stability, so this grief can’t get in the way.
• You think you are the only person who is struggling with grief.
• You are sceptical about therapy.
• You have never seen a therapist and feel proud of that.
• You think you can sort out these thoughts and feelings yourself.
• You have found that you can blank out those negative thoughts and feelings with alcohol or drugs.
• You don’t want anyone to think you have mental health problems.
• You think the poor sleep, brain fog, headaches and stomach upsets are all due to physical health issues, rather than grief. (In some cases, they may be, but sometimes these are signs of grief.)

Step 1. Recognise silent grief for what it is

Grief often comes in waves, so sometimes you feel okay, and another time you feel awful. This might be why you haven’t said anything to anyone, as it often happens when you are on your own.

You might be driving the car when suddenly you feel an overwhelming sadness.

You might think about the loss when you get to bed, which can make it hard to fall asleep. Watching late-night TV or gaming might block it out for a while, so you can only sleep when you are mentally and physically exhausted.

There are biological, social, and psychological factors involved in men’s grief.

Sometimes these signs are expected, such as sadness. But other emotions might not be expected, and they are normal as well. For example, grief can lead some people to experience a period of anger.

Common signs of grief

Step 2. Give yourself permission to grieve

Step two is about recognising that you are grieving and then permitting yourself to grieve.

For the first few weeks, giving yourself time to grieve and protecting your space by going out less might help, but hidden grief that doesn’t improve after a few months or longer may need help.

Isolating yourself for long periods is not recommended.

This is because the cost of keeping grief silent can be high in terms of recovery. It can also lead to more health-related problems, such as anxiety and depression.

The emotional toll can lead to increased stress in various aspects of your life.

Step 3: Find Healthy Outlets for Grief

Healthy ways mean learning to cope with grief.

After identifying and acknowledging the loss and ways grief is felt, you should make a significant effort to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet, to exercise to your limits and engage in meaningful conversations with people.

Laughter can be a great help, so consider watching a comedy on TV or in a movie.

Step 4: Talk to Someone You Trust

Step four involves talking to a partner, best friend, doctor, counsellor, or therapist with whom you feel comfortable.

Find someone who will really listen without judgment.

Step 5: Take Small Steps Toward the Future

Step five is about planning.

To start with, this might involve setting small health goals and then moving on to other tasks, such as taking a daily walk or joining a club.

Big decisions like moving house or changing your job must not be rushed.

Some people suggest waiting a year or more before making any significant decisions to change your life.

How do I find a counsellor or other therapist?

There are lots of ways to find a good therapist.

• Ask for recommendations from your doctor or a trusted friend
• Research counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and specialists in grief recovery on directories.
• Check professional membership sites for therapists. For example, the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS).
• Do your own research online. Look for someone who is registered with a professional body and specialises in grief work.

Conclusion

Just like everyone else, men don’t need to struggle with grief.

Grief support is available online wherever you live.

I’m Linda. My business, Awaken the Change, is dedicated to supporting people through grief. You will never forget the grief you are suffering; however, you can learn how to cope with it, move on with your life and feel so much better.

Grief counselling for men is easier than you might think.

You can choose how many sessions you want, though six is a common number for managing grief.

I know that it can be difficult for some men to talk, but you won’t be judged or made to feel uncomfortable in any way.

Contact me for a complimentary initial consultation. This is a 30-minute Zoom call to clarify the issues and how we might work together.

Find out how I work and what I can do to help you by visiting my website www.awakenthechange.com