Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. If you are grieving, you might feel lost, numb, overwhelmed and struggling to get back to your everyday life.
However, understanding grief and its various types can aid in the healing process.
This blog aims to provide you with information and professional support from Awaken the Change, based in Bournemouth or available online from anywhere with an internet connection.
If your grief feels heavy, you don’t need to carry it alone.
What is grief?
Grief is an emotional response to loss.
Grief is not a sign of weakness; rather, it is a sign of your love and affection for the person you have lost.
Our backgrounds, society and gender influence it.
I offer support through bereavement counselling and hypnotherapy.
What is normal grief?
This is what we expect when someone is in the acute stage of grief.
You have just got the bad news.
You may feel numb, deny that it has happened, and then over the next few weeks you might feel intense sadness, guilt, anger and a range of other emotions.
What usually follows is a gradual adjustment to your loss.
You need to build your life around the loss.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief starts before the loss. So if you know someone has a terminal illness, then you know that they will die soon.
People also get anticipatory grief if a loved one has dementia.
Anticipatory grief is real, but it can be not easy to explain to people if your loved one is still alive.
What is disenfranchised grief?
Disenfranchised grief feels very confusing, and people often can’t understand why they are feeling emotional.
Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn’t recognised by society. This can happen after pet loss, as some people may not understand the emotional impact. Please find out more and read my blog on pet loss, or read my book called Managing Pet Grief
What is abbreviated grief?
This type of grief describes a successful process through the experiences and emotions related to loss.
It’s not a term used very much.
What is delayed grief?
Some people repress their feelings for days, weeks or months, then they express their emotions.
As a therapist, I have met clients who have suppressed their feelings about the loss years after the passing.
This grief is more common in professionals who keep working and caregivers.
What is cumulative grief?
This type of grief is what it claims to be. It’s a buildup of lots of losses.
Losing someone can be awful, but multiple losses can compound that grief.
I once met someone who had experienced thirteen losses.
What is collective grief?
Most people in the Western world think grief is a personal thing, but grief can be a group expression of emotions and rituals to help move through it. This is why we have funeral gatherings or other groups in Eastern society.
What are the symptoms of grief?
Everyone experiences grief differently.
You do not need to feel all the following emotions to be grieving.
Commonly, grief is expressed through:
- Numbness and denial
- Shock
- Yearning
- Sadness
- Emptyness
- Anger
- Frustration
- Guilt
- Blaming
Grief can also bring some less expected emotions because the relationship might not be good or the person is suffering, for example:
- Relief
- Happiness
- Peace
There are also physical aspects to grief, for example:
- Coughs and colds, as the immune system can be depleted
- Stomach problems, e.g. a flare-up of IBS and gut problems
- Headaches
- Tiredness
- Aches and pains
Grief can also affect our thinking, for example:
- Brain fog
- Difficulty making decisions
- Forgetting things
- Confusion
- Searching for a spritual dimention
How long does grief usually last
As everyone is different, it’s difficult to put a time limit on your grief. Often, it depends on the way you lost your loved one, as traumatic deaths are harrowing.
However, symptoms should start to decline after weeks or months.
One to two years before feeling 100% yourself isn’t unusual.
However, complex or prolonged grief can occur for years.
What is complicated or prolonged grief?
Complicated grief is diagnosed by a doctor when someone has been grieving for over two years.
The diagnosis is made by the doctor using criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition.
When people experience complicated grief, they feel stuck.
Extra help is needed.
Risk factors in complicated grief
- Traumatic and unexpected loss
- Previous grief
- The person lost was significant
- Mental health illness
- Previous family suicide
Why does it help to identify and discuss your grief
Talking to a bereavement counsellor helps you to understand your grief, find ways to cope and feel better.
Counselling helps you understand your grief and develop coping strategies.
Getting support validates your grief.
As people with prolonged grief can develop depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and other physical and mental health problems, talking and finding ways to change the negative thoughts and feelings is essential.
Also, some people resort to alcohol or drug misuse to numb their feelings, but this is only a temporary fix.
Getting support for your grief
Many people seek help with grief a couple of days after the loss, but I usually want people to find out if they can get through the grief on their own first, as many people do manage without any help. Grief is a natural process.
I know that you want a magic pill to stop the grief, which is normal, although experiencing emotions for up to 2 years can happen; their intensity and frequency tend to decrease after a few months.
The benefits of using a bereavement specialist are:
- a confidential service
- someone who understands your grief
- help to find coping strategies
- A focus on specific things to help you. For example, help with sleep issues, relaxation techniques, or dealing with relationship issues.
Getting support can he from a hypnotherapist, or an alternative therapist.
You can get help by visiting the therapist’s office or accessing their services online from anywhere in the world.
If you need a safe and supportive space to learn to cope with your grief, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me at Awaken the Change.
I’m Linda, a bereavement counsellor specialising in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and a hypnotherapist.
If you’re looking for an experienced and compassionate bereavement counsellor, I’m happy to help. With many years of specialising in bereavement work, I have helped many people learn to cope and feel better. Many people find six weekly sessions are all they need.
Hypnotherapy is another way to help you with grief. Hypnotherapy sessions do not require you to talk a lot about the grief, as the aim is to help you get your mind to refocus, find peace and look to the future. Hypnotherapy can also help you to deal with specific symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, feeling anxious or depressed.
During hypnotherapy, you learn to relax and find your strengths in coping with the loss.
Book a complimentary 30-minute session, and let’s discover how I can help you. www.awakenthechange.com/online-bookings/
