Mothers Day isn’t a happy day for everyone
Mothers Day 14th March 2021
Mothers Day isn’t a happy day for everyone as some people will have lost their mum and are still grieving following the death of their mother. This can make Mothers Day a hard time for some people but it is possible to make things easier.
Loss or difficult previous relationship issues with your mother can have an impact on your thoughts and feelings. You may have purposefully been trying to think of other things or working hard to distract yourself.
Yet in the UK traditionally it’s a time when people are encouraged to think about their mothers. Mothers Day falls on the 4th Sunday after Lent and 21 days before Easter. The date of Mothers Day will vary in different countries.
In the UK we see Mothers Day cards and gifts in the shops. But that might bring sadness if your mum isn’t with you.
People usually visit their mothers. However, during the Pandemic and lockdown rules things won’t be the same and some people will yearn for the times when they could visit their mothers.
Mothers Day is also known as Mothering Sunday. Because it is connected to Christianity it can also be about considering a mother church.
Are you still grieving for your mum after her death?
Some people say that their mum has died and that they dread Mothers Day. Is that you?
Are you expecting that it will be an emotionally difficult day for you? Thoughts and feelings about Mothers Day might make you feel sad, anxious or guilty and it may stop you from doing the things that you would like to do.
Anniversaries and national days can bring back sad memories and that empty feeling of loss. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Over time you can find ways to feel better.
You need to grow your life around the loss.
If you have lost your mum you are not alone as many people dread Mothers Day.
It’s hard if you are still feeling sad, but today here are 7 tips on how you can get another perspective on your loss.
Talk to someone
If people don’t know how you are feeling they may avoid talking about your mother.
Maybe you can talk to a trusted friend or relative.
If you need someone to really listen, empathise and help you through your grief then a bereavement counsellor can help.
If you are having health issues speak to your doctor.
If you just want someone to listen during difficult times you can call the Samaritans- telephone 116 123 day or night.
Decide to celebrate your mother’s life
It can be difficult, but deciding to be happy on Mothers Day and do happy things that might give you a purpose are worth considering.
How about having a party to celebrate mum’s life, going out to a place that she liked or doing something that helps to make you feel better. Of course, at this time you must comply with any lockdown restrictions.
You could frame a nice photograph of your mother to celebrate the good times you had together.
Or you could make a cake.
Plan to go out and exercise
You could go for a walk, meet some good friends and family or go to the gym as lockdown restrictions are lifted.
Go for a walk and use all your senses to notice the here and now. Listen to all the sounds around you. See the colours and the changes. Feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face or the cool wind. Whatever the weather is doing just notice it.
As you walk become aware of your body. Notice the movements. Notice the clothes against your skin in a mindful way.
Any way that you can increase your activity, within your limits, will be good.
If you have lost your mother, set aside time to grieve
This could be a short time in the day when you are going to think about everything related to the loss of your mum. During this time, let’s say an hour, you may cry, you may feel angry that she isn’t around or many other emotions might come to the surface.
After your allocated time tell yourself that you will feel better and do something that you will enjoy.
Choose to be happier.
Give to someone
If you know of a mother who has lost their child contact them and ask if they want to chat. You could also give them something for Mothers Day.
Give to a charity that you or your mum would support.
Give your time to something that you find worthwhile.
Give to other members of your family who may also be grieving.
Or give your time to an activity that is worthwhile such as making something.
Write a journal
This could be a diary of how you are feeling as getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper helps you to get the thoughts out of your head and feel better. Be aware of where you are keeping these thoughts as others might read them.
Make a memory area in your house
This could be pictures of your mum with beautiful flowers on a table.
You could put a photo in a photo frame and put it on the wall.
You could also do something a bit more creative like write a poem about your mum, write a story about her or paint a picture of her.
You could make a memory box and include items that remind you of your mother.
You might even feel that lighting a candle can help.
So from today make yourself a promise that you will try to look at Mothers Day from a different perspective.
If you need to talk, Linda from Awaken the Change can help. Specialising in bereavement and loss. Contact Linda www.awakenthechange.com